guys...it's your turn to help us out

as i mentioned in my last post, the 4 pack was out to dinner one night when a giant metaphoric light bulb fell over our table. i'll do my best to explain it well - it was much easier to talk about in a group than it was to write about! first i'm going to talk about what guys struggle with and then how girls respond. then i'll talk about what girls struggle with and how guys don't respond. i hate to talk about something as broad as physical or emotional lust and apply it to men as a whole and women as a whole, obviously every situation is different, but i feel like the root of the struggle is the same for everybody.

part of being the body of christ is sharing our struggles and encouraging each other through them. the number one known struggle for guys is physical lust. apparently, they can't help it and it's an accepted part of life for them. from what i've read they think about sex anywhere from every 7 seconds to every other day. either way, it's excessive. and with the way sex is thrown into every media outlet there is, it's almost impossible to avoid. i've heard a guy say that there are times when he can't even listen to what a girl is saying to him because he's concentrating so much on looking at her face instead of her body. a man's desire should only be for his wife, and men that try to honor that don't have it easy.

as girls, we do what we can to help our brothers in christ. we don't understand their struggle, but we lovingly and gladly do what we can to protect their eyes and minds. this means giving up clothes that might not necessarily be inappropriate, but it might cause a guy to struggle. this means giving up attention that we would be getting from guys by dressing that way. this means that everything we wear out in public has gone through careful scrutiny, and has been given the answer "no" to the following questions: is this too low? is this too tight? is this too short? is this too low? is this too tight? is this too short? shopping for modest clothes is not easy. finding dresses that don't show any cleave or too much leg is not easy. if ever we find the top or skirt that we just can't pass up, we layer shirts under it or wear leggings to still make sure we are covered up. and might i just add that it's flipping hot outside? but that's no excuse for us to run around in skimpy clothes. and since the body of christ also calls for accountability, if we weren't guarding our brother's minds, we would be called out for it. i realize it's sounding like i'm kind of bitter about it, and maybe i am a teeny bit. but mainly, i'm not bitter and dress appropriately out of love and respect.

what's not as known and accepted is that girls struggle with emotional lust. while guys long to get naked with a woman, girls desperately long to fall in love with a man. before i jump into how we are led on, let me go ahead and right here state for the record that girls are absolutely 100% crazy. now that we got that covered, i'm going to attempt to explain emotional lust. in leslie ludy's book "answering the guy questions: the set-apart girl's guide to relating to the opposite sex" she talks about how when girls are attracted to a guy they can develop "an unhealthy emotional obsession with someone." this happens far more often and easily than guys know. girls will analyze everything and grasp at anything and take off with it. just like when a scantily dressed woman walks by, a man has an urging to turn his head and watch her, girls will start investing feelings in a guy when she thinks he might be interested. this is where the lines of friendship/romance are very blurred. when a girl likes a guy she pays attention to specifically him, makes excuses to be by him, talk to him, touch him, etc. so when a guy interacts with us in such a way, it makes us think there might be interest on their part. guys, through no fault of their own, continue doing little things (that they probably don't even notice) that cause us to furthur attach to them, and that makes it hard for us to know if a friendship or relationship is being established. even something so silly as a guy throwing me his jacket, tapping me with his foot or sharing his food with me can make me wonder if he likes me. i'm reminded of the movie "he's just not that into you" when jennifer aniston's character tells her boyfriend of several years "i just need you to stop being nice to me unless you're gonna marry me." i think men would see that statement as crazy (her boyfriend responds with "is this a trick? it feels like a trick") but what she's basically saying is if you're not going to commit to me then you need to keep your distance. i don't think that's such a ridiculous request!

when it comes down to it, girls just need to deal with their struggle, but if guys were aware of how they could help it would GREATLY reduce the problem. i really think if godly men were made aware of this struggle they would want to help their sisters by being cautious of the words they use with girls and backing up their intentions with their actions. if ever a guy finds himself spending a lot of time talking to a girl or hanging out with her specifically, a little dtr (define the relationship) conversation needs to happen. girls shouldn't have to wonder about a guy's intentions, and certainly they shouldn't have to ask. but it happens all the time, and it seems that often the guy is completely oblivious to the fact that there's even anything to talk about.

this has gotten a bit lengthy, so i'm going to stop here, though i feel like i've only touched the tip of the iceberg. i could go on and on, i mean, how has this been so overlooked and not talked about? to sum it all up i'll close with a quote that hillary and jb came up with the night we first talked about all of this:

"If, in an effort to protect our brother's hearts and minds, women forsake immodesty, attention and cute clothes, then men, in equal measure should purposefully consider their actions and words in attempt to protect the hearts of their sisters, even if that means terminating a friendship."

-meghan